Church

Don't let the title chase you away, please. I read a lot, I mean a lot. I read fictions mainly, but a couple of weeks I got tired of reading fiction, was looking around the new released non-fiction and came across a book titled "Sunday in America" written by Suzanne Strempek Shea. Wow!!!!!! I cannot tell you how this one touched me, as much if not more than "Nineteen Minutes" that I blogged about several months ago. Mrs. Shea was brought up a strict Catholic. She was told all her childhood life that if she entered another type of church, she'd be going straight to hell. Been there, done that, so of course I decided this one was for me.
Mrs. Shea went on a year long visit to a different church each Sunday that she could across the United States and Hawaii. She visited faiths of every type. From A to Z in cities small and large. She visited churches that had famous people who attended them. Jimmy Carter, Joel Osteem, even our upcoming presidential runner, Barack O. (sorry not sure how to spell his last name, but you all know who I mean). She went to churches where there were thousands, and churches where there were three or four people attending. She heard the good, the bad, and the ugly. Wow!!!!!! I just can't stop saying this. She was touched by words spoken by ministers, and those who attended. She saw people in their best and in their worse. In the end though she came with a belief that I would like to live by and hopefully will help me find my faith again as it did her. After visiting church after church, these words were what she felt all of this traveling and listening and learning taught her. "We are always in God's house, wherever we find ourselves". It's nice to be with others, to be able to talk and visit. It's good to listen to the teaching of God's word by someone who has a bit more knowledge than we may have. But in the end, we really are with God everywhere and He is with us. That makes me feel good, real good. I haven't been to church for a long while. Yes, I went on Easter, but so did everyone else. I haven't been able to find or I should say have not let myself find a church to attend because of my fear of being hurt again as I did in the past. Do I really need to find a church? Do I need to attend a church to feel the presence of God? I don't think so. It would be nice to have others to talk to or sing with or learn with, but to feel the presence of God? No, He's with me now. He's with me at work, when I'm asleep, when I'm alone, He's with me always. So if you're having problems with your faith, with your church, or with God in general, pick up "Sunday in America" read it, savor it and then just love God, He loves you.

March 26, 2008

Its been a while since I decided to start writing via this website. You know I have a job that I have a whole lot of time to think and I think about what I want to write each and everyday. The problem is I'm so damn tired when I get home from work that I just say "screw it" and not do this. Well I decided to write today because life doesn't get any shorter and I don't want to miss out on the ability God gave me.
I was diagnosed several months ago with lupus. My mind plays a lot of games when thinking about this disease and what it may do to me. Years ago people with lupus didn't have a good survival level, it's different now, survival is much better for us. The main problem with this disease is the constant fatigue and the constant pain that one is in 24/7. I guess that's the reason I don't get onto this blog when I get home from work, I'm just so frickin tired.
I really have no idea what it's like to not be in pain. Chronic pain is something I've lived with for as long as I can remember. I told someone the other day that the day I do wake up without pain I will be in heaven. That's kind of sad, but yet good. Right? Anyway, it sucks. Pain takes a persons energy away, thus the problem of fatigue. Kind of a catch 22 wouldn't ya say?
Well, if there is anyone out there living with chronic pain no matter what is causing it, please write me and let me know how you deal with it. I'd love to talk to others who may have such problems thus being a help to one another.
Saturday I'm going to a workshop on how to live with lupus. I told my one daughter maybe I'll meet another lonely sicky. I know that's not funny to some, but to those of us who are alone and sick, well a good laugh does help. Anyway, I'm looking forward to learning about what others are doing to help cope with their illness. Anything will help for sure.
I'll close for now. If anyone reads this, have a good day. Please feel free to leave any suggestions you might have on coping with pain, fatigue or the other problems that go along with it. God Bless and I'll be back soon.

My Written Word

Since I was a kid I always wrote in journels. I look through them a lot of times and see where I have been and where I have gone, physically and emotionally. I must have at least 50 different books. Sometimes I would write for a long periods of time and then other times I would go months, sometimes a year, before I wrote again, but I wrote. Over the past several years, I have been having problems with my health and because of that, writing became hard to do. My hands got cramped up and I just gave up. My daughter turned me on to this blogging site so I have deceived that this will be my new writing media. Typing does not seem to bother me, at least not like the writing did. I'm not assuring you that my spelling will be right all the time, but you'll get the grip of what I mean if you read these. Hopefully it will help not just you reading them, but will help me writing them. A quick note to my daughter, "Puck, you can fix the spelling and grammer if you'd like LOL!!!". So anyway I'll write, publish, and just keep writing. Any comments or additional thoughts will be appreciated from anyone who reads this. Remember journelling is a good thing to do, so if you've never done it, give it a try. It does help release things that you may have bottled up. Happy Journelling. God Bless.

The Power of Words

I just got done reading "Nineteen Minutes". I have been reading since, well lets just say a long time. Fiction, non-fiction, christian writers, non-christian, even some self-help books. I can only say that I have never been touched by a book like this one. This book maybe fiction, but it touches an area that this country has dealt with for several years, that being the end result of bullying. Our words are something we cannot take back when we say them. We use them to degrade, belittle, and pretty much hurt those we know and don't know. A person maybe beautiful on the outside, but the words that come from their mouths make them ugly and disgusting. This book shows the ugliness of words and what it did to otherwise normal young people. I wrote an e-mail to the writer and even expressed to her that this book should be a required read for every young person, every admin of schools, and every parent. In other words, we all need to read it to understand that our words are dangerous if we let them be. Things have been rough for me over the years because of things said to me, but I also know that there were times that I made life rough for others with my words. After reading this book I am determined to watch my mouth. I am determined to say nothing if I have nothing good, or at least positive to say to others. Giving another person your opinion can be good and in many ways, helpful. It's the way and the manner it is said and the way the person receiving the opinion perceives it. That person may take those words and use them for good or may use them to destroy themselves and others. Please, take the time to read "Nineteen Minutes". It will give you a whole new look at the things that you say. Tell others to read it. Make a difference in your world with the words you use. I want to and will do my best to do so. God Bless and keep the good words flowing.

The Pain our Words Can Cause

I starting reading a book several weeks ago, Nineteen Minutes. This book sparked something in me that I wish I could stand at the top of the world and shout out, "STOP BULLYING". This book goes into a mind of a person who lived with "torture of the tongue", and then acted out on it. Everyone has heard the quote, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me". Are you kidding? Words are the most destructive thing that we were ever blessed with. We have taken a great gift, the gift of word, and used it in the most hurtful, hateful ways we can image. As I have been reading this book, I can recall when I was a first grader being made fun of by a girl who was several years older than me. I could pick that girl out of a crowd even now, 40+ years later. If we can teach our children, whether they are ours or ones that pass through our lives, anything, we must teach them to be kind. To take the differences that each of us have and look at them as unique, a person to learn from, a friend, but for sure, a person with feelings. One of the character in the book says this, "Ask ten people, and half of them won't even be able to remember something concrete from high school-they've blocked it out. The other half will recall an incredibly painful or embarrassing moment. They stick like glue." Have you ever been the cause of the painful or embarrassing moment that will stick with someone forever? I'm sure I have, but you see, your not the one who remembers it, its the person you've said it to. The main character in this book is a young person who since his first day of school, had been tormented by other children leading up to a massive killing of his classmates. How many real situations like this have happened in this country? Too many in my opinion. In all of the cases of these needless acts of violence the person or persons involved were bullied or were outcasts. In the act of killings those who have bullied them, others usually get killed because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Folks we need to look at what we say, how we say it, and to whom we say it. Children listen, they listen to our racial, ethic, and gender comments. They repeat what they hear. Don't be the reason for a young person to load up a gun and kill because of words that have destroyed their self esteem. Next time you see or hear someone bullying another, step in and stop the process, you may be saving a life in the process. Teach those around you, and yourself, that words are a powerful thing, use them for good, not to hurt. This world will be better place if our words become something useful, any maybe the killing of life and of self esteem will stop.

Cup Half Empty or Half Full?

I believe that I have looked at life as being a cup that was half empty. I am hoping that I now look at life as being a cup half full. These past few years have been times that I was going to fall flat on my face, or push myself and believe that I would and do have the strength to keep going on. God has been my source of strength but I also know that I need to call upon myself to keep going on when it seemed that there is no reason to keep going. I have went through 6 surgeries in the past 5 years. I've seen a divorce, a lose of my parents, a lose of 2 homes, and enough sicknesses to last a life time. But in the view of the negatives, I have 4 daughters that have been and always will be my lifeline. Their health is good and each of them have a future that is bright and hopefully not full of any regrets. I guess I'm writing this because I feel that someone else out that may be going through the same or worse times that I have been through. My prayers are with you and I can only hope that you don't give up and just keep looking for that cup to be half full...

Stepping Up To The Plate

Do you have a conviction concerning something going on in your life, your town, or this world? Have you done anything about it, or do you look at this conviction and think "well someone else will deal with it, I can't do anything to make it better". I believe all of us have had this type of thought. I know I have. There are so many things going on right now in our lives, but yet how many of us really do anything about it? I know I'm guilty of doing nothing when I know I need to step up to the plate. I have always believed that if I could not financially help a cause I really could not help. I now know that is not true. Our words, our actions, our presents can do more good in some causes than any amount of money will ever do. Being kind to others with a smile or just a simple hello cannot be bought with any amount of money. Taking time to do things with our kids, spouse, parents or others in our families cannot be priced, just ask someone who has lost part or all of their loved ones. Look at the homeless, the orphaned, the widow, the elderly. Each of them would give anything, everything, to have back their loved ones. Step up to the bat the next time you see a situation that can be helped with a simple smile, a pleasant hello or just a hug. The problems of the world, your life, or your town may not go away because of that simple smile but I can tell you this for sure, it will make it look at lot more tolerable for everyone concerned including yourself.