Stepping Up To The Plate

Just need to write!!!!!

2011-04-14T09:32:00.004-07:00

Well lets me just say WOW!!!!!!!!!!! This has been a real special few months out here in "D" land. I am moving this weekend to Colorado Springs, and start a new job on Monday with their metro system. Feel good about that, but what is going on here in Denver is SAD and sick. My future ex-son-in-law has become a bigger ass than he was before, which really is hard to believe. He is a drunk, a bum and an asswhole, and thats just the short list. So sad. He is missing out and will miss out on his sons life because of the jerk he has become. I have went to and have prayed many times for help from the Lord, but this probably has been the worse and hardest times I've had to call upon Him. It is only by His grace, His love, His strength and His protection that I will be able to come thru this without killing Greg. I really thought yesterday I would either kill him or myself. It was a rough day to say the least. Lord, bless my grandsons, Max, Cooper, Eli, watch over each of them and let them grow up to be the men of God you desire. Watch over my daughters, their families and let each of them realize the need the should have for you. Thank you Lord for your unconditional love, your watchful hand and most of all the strength you give to me to walk thru the darkness. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Let me see it soon Lord.

Just need to write!!!!!

2011-04-14T09:32:00.003-07:00

Just need to write!!!!!

2011-04-14T09:32:00.001-07:00

A New Year

2011-01-15T17:50:00.000-08:00

Well it has been a year and a half since I've moved to Colorado and much has happened. I have two new grandsons, Cooper, who I live with, and Eli, back in South Bend. Hopefully I'll be meeting him in March.
Much has happened to me personally. I unfortunately have become ill became of my Lupus. Thank God it has not attacked any of my organs, but it did take all my hair, and has caused me unbelieveable fatigue.
I went to the doctor two weeks ago and she said it was time to start applying for disability. Just seems weird that my life has taken a turn like this. All I can do is keeping praying that God shows me what and where I'm going or should go.
I'm still driving a bus, but not sure how long that is going to last. I am going to apply to RTD to see if I can get part time. I believe that will help.
Otherwise life goes on. Still have no friends out here which sucks but oh well. Trying to get back into the school thing, but that is not going well. Hopefully it will turn around soon.
Well anyone out there who might read this, let me hear from you.

Christmas 2009

2009-12-22T13:46:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that Christmas is just days away. I am finding myself in a new city, new job, new surroundings this Christmas. I've been in Denver now for 5 months. Unbelievable. It's been a rough ride some days, but I am glad I am here. I have seen things out here that I only saw in post cards, or books. The beauty out here is something that only God could create.
I find myself with 2 grandkids this year. One that is only 3 weeks old. My 1 year old came and visited a couple of weeks ago and I was glad for that. He is walking and trying to talk. It was fun having him and his parents here, even tho it was only a couple of days.
Anyway, God has been good to me. Things are tough financially for me right now, but oh well. It's got to get better, right? I believe it will. Just have to believe and wait on God. He has it in his hand.
Well, who ever may read this Have a Happy Christmas and a Great New Year. See you in 2010. Keep me in your prayers as I keep you in mine. God Bless.

Coffee Shop Stops

2009-11-23T15:14:00.001-08:00

My Journal

2009-11-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

I don't know if anyone will read these but I am doing it for me. Getting out a lot of frustration and hurt and sadness that I am feeling at this time. Things out here are what one would say, "rough", right now. I am presently living with my daughter, who I never thought would be deceitful to me, and finding out that her life the past few years has been nothing but deceit. She has a "husband" and I use that phase with a slight chock, who has probably worked a year total since she met him. He is a liar, a cheat, a user and basically a bum. She continues to stay with him and is now days away from having a child. She left him a year ago because she did find out he was not working when he said he was. He came out here to Colorado and is doing the same bullshit he did in Indiana. She is now defending him hand over foot. I have been here 13 weeks, and he has yet brought home a paycheck. She continues to work full time even tho she is 9 months pregnant. He is a real "tool". I have now started to check into places to live as this is not going to work. I cannot even image what will happen when this child comes along and she asks him for help. I am 55 years old, have Lupus and work 40 hours a week. I cannot and will not be a babysitter or her and this childs support. She will be going back to Indiana if this turns South because of his lack of money, work, or whatever you want to say.
Disappointment in her goes beyond anything I can even say at this point. Her choices when it came to a husband is so disgusting it again is beyond words. Why would you want to have nothing, not only for yourself but for a child? Sad is the word I can only describe at this time.
Only time will tell what is going to happen. Whoever may read this, please pray for this family. It is greatly needed!!!

When Life Throws You A Curve Ball!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-08T18:22:00.000-08:00

That phrase has been around for a long time and can mean many different things. To me, it means exactly what it says. I've been out here in Denver now for 13 weeks. I have seen sights that words cannot even describe. These sunrises and sunsets out here are different each day and night. The mountains can be blue one day, and white the next. There are days you cannot even see them because of the clouds or snow and other days they are so close you can touch them. Elk, fox, and coyotes area everywhere. This state is beyond words. One day though, all that beauty can be dashed because of the inconsiderate actions of those around you. You believe in people, people that you thought were honorable and truthful and then, bam, that is shattered by deceit and lies. That is the curve ball, that is what causes life to be harder then what it should be. I am sad right now and have no idea when that sadness will end. I must, must, look at this beauty and realize that something good will come of all of this. How long will this continue? When will the light at the end of the tunnel shine again. Maybe tomorrow morning when I watch the sun rise. Maybe tomorrow morning God will give a answer. Not sure. Just need to keep praying. Just believe in God!!!!!!!!!!

HERE I GO

2009-08-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Well here I go. I got a job less than two weeks after moving to Denver. Some of those back in South Bend didn't think I'd make it here and I'd be back to South Bend, I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! The job I got is once again a bus driver but it is with a company I can only hope is not as stupid as Transpo was and still is.
Physically I can only say that I'm still not feeling very well, but that will come in due time I'm sure. I'm really having a lot of problems with my legs hurting, but I think it's because I have been doing a lot of walking which I didn't do back in sb.
I'm hoping that the friends I prayed about will come around now that I have a job. I just want to find people to hang out with, maybe even a biker buddy. FUN FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm thinking about going to Estes Park next Monday and Tuesday for a overnighter. It just depends on the weather. The weather channel is saying it may rain. The weather out here is goofy so I'll just wait until Saturday to decide. Estes Park in at the base of the Rocky Mountains and absolutely beautiful. Just have to wait and see.
Borus went to his first kennel stay out here. He did good. Got some of that built up energy out of him. It's a nice place and they said he did real good.
OK. Well, I'll close for know. Next entry. Either after Estes Park or my first day of work!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Start

2009-08-15T18:32:00.002-07:00

Well, I really decided on the biggy this time. I'm almost 55 years old and decided that it was time to make a move. What kind of move you ask? It was the big one. I left my job of 4 years, moved from the town I've lived in for the past forever, and moved to Denver Colorado. WOW!!!!!!!!! Crazy you say? Wayout there you might think? Yah that's it in a nut shell. I had had it with my job, my life in South Bend couldn't have been more unlife like and my health was taking the shits.

So here I am. In Denver, Colorado. Beautiful mountains, clean air and NO HUMIDITY!!!!!!!!!!! Now you might ask, do I have a job? Do I have a place to live? Is there anyone out here I know? Well to the first question, no. The others, yes. I have already started to apply for jobs but more than that I looked into going back to school so I don't kill myself driving a bus. I want to get my degree in medical billing and coding. I have some credits in the field, but am waiting to see if they transfer to the school I'm looking at. I'm also looking into to taking tai chai classes for the stiffness I suffer from and then I also want to look into going back to church too.

Lots going on and just have to keep going and not let little things discourage me. Hey, I even took my first motorcycle ride up into the foothills the other day. GO MOTORCYCLE MOMMA!!!

I'll keep you, whoever may read this, informed of my progress. I plan for it to be GOOD!!!!!!

Church

2008-06-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

Don't let the title chase you away, please. I read a lot, I mean a lot. I read fictions mainly, but a couple of weeks I got tired of reading fiction, was looking around the new released non-fiction and came across a book titled "Sunday in America" written by Suzanne Strempek Shea. Wow!!!!!! I cannot tell you how this one touched me, as much if not more than "Nineteen Minutes" that I blogged about several months ago. Mrs. Shea was brought up a strict Catholic. She was told all her childhood life that if she entered another type of church, she'd be going straight to hell. Been there, done that, so of course I decided this one was for me.
Mrs. Shea went on a year long visit to a different church each Sunday that she could across the United States and Hawaii. She visited faiths of every type. From A to Z in cities small and large. She visited churches that had famous people who attended them. Jimmy Carter, Joel Osteem, even our upcoming presidential runner, Barack O. (sorry not sure how to spell his last name, but you all know who I mean). She went to churches where there were thousands, and churches where there were three or four people attending. She heard the good, the bad, and the ugly. Wow!!!!!! I just can't stop saying this. She was touched by words spoken by ministers, and those who attended. She saw people in their best and in their worse. In the end though she came with a belief that I would like to live by and hopefully will help me find my faith again as it did her. After visiting church after church, these words were what she felt all of this traveling and listening and learning taught her. "We are always in God's house, wherever we find ourselves". It's nice to be with others, to be able to talk and visit. It's good to listen to the teaching of God's word by someone who has a bit more knowledge than we may have. But in the end, we really are with God everywhere and He is with us. That makes me feel good, real good. I haven't been to church for a long while. Yes, I went on Easter, but so did everyone else. I haven't been able to find or I should say have not let myself find a church to attend because of my fear of being hurt again as I did in the past. Do I really need to find a church? Do I need to attend a church to feel the presence of God? I don't think so. It would be nice to have others to talk to or sing with or learn with, but to feel the presence of God? No, He's with me now. He's with me at work, when I'm asleep, when I'm alone, He's with me always. So if you're having problems with your faith, with your church, or with God in general, pick up "Sunday in America" read it, savor it and then just love God, He loves you.

March 26, 2008

2008-03-27T07:46:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since I decided to start writing via this website. You know I have a job that I have a whole lot of time to think and I think about what I want to write each and everyday. The problem is I'm so damn tired when I get home from work that I just say "screw it" and not do this. Well I decided to write today because life doesn't get any shorter and I don't want to miss out on the ability God gave me.
I was diagnosed several months ago with lupus. My mind plays a lot of games when thinking about this disease and what it may do to me. Years ago people with lupus didn't have a good survival level, it's different now, survival is much better for us. The main problem with this disease is the constant fatigue and the constant pain that one is in 24/7. I guess that's the reason I don't get onto this blog when I get home from work, I'm just so frickin tired.
I really have no idea what it's like to not be in pain. Chronic pain is something I've lived with for as long as I can remember. I told someone the other day that the day I do wake up without pain I will be in heaven. That's kind of sad, but yet good. Right? Anyway, it sucks. Pain takes a persons energy away, thus the problem of fatigue. Kind of a catch 22 wouldn't ya say?
Well, if there is anyone out there living with chronic pain no matter what is causing it, please write me and let me know how you deal with it. I'd love to talk to others who may have such problems thus being a help to one another.
Saturday I'm going to a workshop on how to live with lupus. I told my one daughter maybe I'll meet another lonely sicky. I know that's not funny to some, but to those of us who are alone and sick, well a good laugh does help. Anyway, I'm looking forward to learning about what others are doing to help cope with their illness. Anything will help for sure.
I'll close for now. If anyone reads this, have a good day. Please feel free to leave any suggestions you might have on coping with pain, fatigue or the other problems that go along with it. God Bless and I'll be back soon.

My Written Word

2008-03-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

Since I was a kid I always wrote in journels. I look through them a lot of times and see where I have been and where I have gone, physically and emotionally. I must have at least 50 different books. Sometimes I would write for a long periods of time and then other times I would go months, sometimes a year, before I wrote again, but I wrote. Over the past several years, I have been having problems with my health and because of that, writing became hard to do. My hands got cramped up and I just gave up. My daughter turned me on to this blogging site so I have deceived that this will be my new writing media. Typing does not seem to bother me, at least not like the writing did. I'm not assuring you that my spelling will be right all the time, but you'll get the grip of what I mean if you read these. Hopefully it will help not just you reading them, but will help me writing them. A quick note to my daughter, "Puck, you can fix the spelling and grammer if you'd like LOL!!!". So anyway I'll write, publish, and just keep writing. Any comments or additional thoughts will be appreciated from anyone who reads this. Remember journelling is a good thing to do, so if you've never done it, give it a try. It does help release things that you may have bottled up. Happy Journelling. God Bless.

The Power of Words

2008-03-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

I just got done reading "Nineteen Minutes". I have been reading since, well lets just say a long time. Fiction, non-fiction, christian writers, non-christian, even some self-help books. I can only say that I have never been touched by a book like this one. This book maybe fiction, but it touches an area that this country has dealt with for several years, that being the end result of bullying. Our words are something we cannot take back when we say them. We use them to degrade, belittle, and pretty much hurt those we know and don't know. A person maybe beautiful on the outside, but the words that come from their mouths make them ugly and disgusting. This book shows the ugliness of words and what it did to otherwise normal young people. I wrote an e-mail to the writer and even expressed to her that this book should be a required read for every young person, every admin of schools, and every parent. In other words, we all need to read it to understand that our words are dangerous if we let them be. Things have been rough for me over the years because of things said to me, but I also know that there were times that I made life rough for others with my words. After reading this book I am determined to watch my mouth. I am determined to say nothing if I have nothing good, or at least positive to say to others. Giving another person your opinion can be good and in many ways, helpful. It's the way and the manner it is said and the way the person receiving the opinion perceives it. That person may take those words and use them for good or may use them to destroy themselves and others. Please, take the time to read "Nineteen Minutes". It will give you a whole new look at the things that you say. Tell others to read it. Make a difference in your world with the words you use. I want to and will do my best to do so. God Bless and keep the good words flowing.

The Pain our Words Can Cause

2008-02-29T08:17:00.001-08:00

I starting reading a book several weeks ago, Nineteen Minutes. This book sparked something in me that I wish I could stand at the top of the world and shout out, "STOP BULLYING". This book goes into a mind of a person who lived with "torture of the tongue", and then acted out on it. Everyone has heard the quote, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me". Are you kidding? Words are the most destructive thing that we were ever blessed with. We have taken a great gift, the gift of word, and used it in the most hurtful, hateful ways we can image. As I have been reading this book, I can recall when I was a first grader being made fun of by a girl who was several years older than me. I could pick that girl out of a crowd even now, 40+ years later. If we can teach our children, whether they are ours or ones that pass through our lives, anything, we must teach them to be kind. To take the differences that each of us have and look at them as unique, a person to learn from, a friend, but for sure, a person with feelings. One of the character in the book says this, "Ask ten people, and half of them won't even be able to remember something concrete from high school-they've blocked it out. The other half will recall an incredibly painful or embarrassing moment. They stick like glue." Have you ever been the cause of the painful or embarrassing moment that will stick with someone forever? I'm sure I have, but you see, your not the one who remembers it, its the person you've said it to. The main character in this book is a young person who since his first day of school, had been tormented by other children leading up to a massive killing of his classmates. How many real situations like this have happened in this country? Too many in my opinion. In all of the cases of these needless acts of violence the person or persons involved were bullied or were outcasts. In the act of killings those who have bullied them, others usually get killed because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Folks we need to look at what we say, how we say it, and to whom we say it. Children listen, they listen to our racial, ethic, and gender comments. They repeat what they hear. Don't be the reason for a young person to load up a gun and kill because of words that have destroyed their self esteem. Next time you see or hear someone bullying another, step in and stop the process, you may be saving a life in the process. Teach those around you, and yourself, that words are a powerful thing, use them for good, not to hurt. This world will be better place if our words become something useful, any maybe the killing of life and of self esteem will stop.

Cup Half Empty or Half Full?

2008-02-18T14:45:00.000-08:00

I believe that I have looked at life as being a cup that was half empty. I am hoping that I now look at life as being a cup half full. These past few years have been times that I was going to fall flat on my face, or push myself and believe that I would and do have the strength to keep going on. God has been my source of strength but I also know that I need to call upon myself to keep going on when it seemed that there is no reason to keep going. I have went through 6 surgeries in the past 5 years. I've seen a divorce, a lose of my parents, a lose of 2 homes, and enough sicknesses to last a life time. But in the view of the negatives, I have 4 daughters that have been and always will be my lifeline. Their health is good and each of them have a future that is bright and hopefully not full of any regrets. I guess I'm writing this because I feel that someone else out that may be going through the same or worse times that I have been through. My prayers are with you and I can only hope that you don't give up and just keep looking for that cup to be half full...

Stepping Up To The Plate

2008-02-09T19:29:00.001-08:00

Do you have a conviction concerning something going on in your life, your town, or this world? Have you done anything about it, or do you look at this conviction and think "well someone else will deal with it, I can't do anything to make it better". I believe all of us have had this type of thought. I know I have. There are so many things going on right now in our lives, but yet how many of us really do anything about it? I know I'm guilty of doing nothing when I know I need to step up to the plate. I have always believed that if I could not financially help a cause I really could not help. I now know that is not true. Our words, our actions, our presents can do more good in some causes than any amount of money will ever do. Being kind to others with a smile or just a simple hello cannot be bought with any amount of money. Taking time to do things with our kids, spouse, parents or others in our families cannot be priced, just ask someone who has lost part or all of their loved ones. Look at the homeless, the orphaned, the widow, the elderly. Each of them would give anything, everything, to have back their loved ones. Step up to the bat the next time you see a situation that can be helped with a simple smile, a pleasant hello or just a hug. The problems of the world, your life, or your town may not go away because of that simple smile but I can tell you this for sure, it will make it look at lot more tolerable for everyone concerned including yourself.